Fatigue

One of the most difficult things for me to deal with right now is how debilitating this illness can be. I have a family at home and I enjoy cleaning my house while listening to music. I enjoy grocery shopping and cooking meals for my family. I enjoy taking long morning walks. I enjoy spending time with my extended family on Sunday's. These may seem like small pleasures to some but in my life these are some of the things I look forward to on a regular basis.

The fatigue that comes along with having Crohn's Disease has forced me to let go of these few things I enjoy so much. It is difficult to encourage myself and not feel like a complete failure as I sit in the bed, afraid to attempt walking down the stairs because I may become dizzy or faint or to have to lie down because my belly is in too much pain to do anything that requires focus on anything else except the pain. I have to send my five year old son away and tell him I need rest when actually I am just hurting so bad I am unable to make his sandwich or pour his drink.

On the days I feel well, I find I over do it. I am so happy to feel well, I try to get as much done as possible and sometimes wear myself out. I laugh and have to remember not to push so hard. I know it has only been a few months but it feels as if this entire year has been devoted to feeling this way.

I am supposed to be getting resection surgery. I am hoping that after I recover from the surgery I am able to get back to some form of normalcy. I hope I can get back to some form of activity and enjoyment.
For now I have to take joy in the very little I am able to do.