I haven't written much in this blog because I really don't know if I have anything positive to say.
I have tried to tell myself that I am strong and I can deal with this and I am capable and that I may be of help to someone else dealing with this but....
The downright truth is that I have no idea why I am suffering with this illness. I have no idea why the timing is now. I have no idea why it seems when I am finally at the top of the mountain I find that there is much more climbing to do.
It has been five months. In five months my life has changed and I am having trouble seeing any benefit in it.
That light at the end of the tunnel is looking mighty dim.
So right here, right now, I am embracing the negativity.
I HATE THIS FUCKING DISEASE AND HOW IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate the pain, I hate the fatigue, I hate the nature of it, I hate the shitting, I hate the medication, I hate the surgeries, I hate it ALL!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhh, it felt so good to let that out!
Maybe tomorrow I can focus on something good in this.
